Leaders often fall into the trap of wanting to be liked.
While building positive relationships is essential,
prioritizing popularity over principle leads to shallow
leadership. People-pleasing leaders avoid hard
conversations, make decisions to earn favor, and
compromise their integrity, which eventually erodes
respect.
Authentic leadership requires making tough
calls aligned with values, not popularity. Respect grows
when a leader is consistent, transparent, and willing to
have candid conversations.
This theory explains our tendency to compare ourselves to others for validation. For leaders, it’s crucial to break free from seeking external approval and anchor decisions in core values.
A wise emperor appointed a prime minister to manage rewards and punishments. The minister gained the people's obedience by maintaining order, while the emperor sought favor. When the emperor reclaimed punishment, his harshness led to discontent, resulting in the people replacing him with the respected prime minister, who balanced fairness and firmness.
Leadership isn’t about being liked; it’s about earning trust by standing firm in your values, even when it’s unpopular.
"Decisions based on values build trust. Popularity is temporary and fades."
“If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream.”
- Steve Jobs
New leaders often believe they need to have all the
answers to maintain authority and gain respect. But
pretending to know when you don’t creates a fragile
foundation of trust. Once your team realizes you weren’t
truthful, credibility is lost, and respect erodes. True
leadership lies in vulnerability and curiosity. Admitting, “I
don’t know, but let’s find out together,” not only builds
trust but also fosters a culture of collaboration and
growth. It sets the tone for your team to value integrity
over ego, and learning over pretending.
Leadership isn’t about knowing everything—it’s about knowing how to guide others toward the best solutions.The more you guess, the more you risk believing your own missteps, and the more your team will eventually see through it.
The Dunning-Kruger Effect explains why those with limited knowledge tend to overestimate their expertise, while those with more knowledge are often aware of their limitations. By understanding this bias, leaders can embrace humility and seek out opportunities to grow instead of hiding behind the illusion of knowledge.
A new restaurant manager, eager to prove his expertise, found himself hosting a wine tasting for an influential group of guests. Midway through the event, a guest asked him a detailed question about the history of one of the wines. Rather than admitting he wasn’t sure, the manager confidently made up a story that sounded believable. The guests seemed satisfied, and the evening continued. However, one guest quietly looked up the story on their phone and discovered it was completely false. Word spread among the group, and what began as an impressive evening unraveled into whispers of mistrust.
The next day, the manager confided in the head sommelier, admitting what had happened. The sommelier said, “You’re not expected to know everything about wine, but you are expected to be honest. A simple,‘That’s a great question! Let me look that up for you,’ would have left your credibility intact. Now you’ve not only lost their trust but risked the reputation of this restaurant.” From that moment on, the manager adopted a new approach: admitting what he didn’t know and inviting his team or guests to explore the answer together. Over time, his willingness to learn became a hallmark of his leadership, and trust was restored.
Leaders must protect their time like the lighthouse keeper protects his beacon. If you spend all day solving everyone else’s problems, you’ll neglect the responsibilities that define your role.Learn to say no. Set clear priorities. The most important tasks—the ones that keep your team moving forward—must come first.
"Admit what you don’t know so you can grow."
“Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn.”
- Benjamin Franklin
The thrill of solving crises often tempts new leaders into
a firefighting mindset. While resolving issues can feel
rewarding, the true mark of leadership lies in preventing
them. Leaders must shift from reactive to proactive by
analyzing root causes, building systems, and fostering a
culture of prevention. Remember, the goal isn’t to be a
hero—it’s to create stability and efficiency for the team.
Effective leaders don’t just solve problems—they create environments where problems rarely occur.
This bias makes people feel they must “do something” immediately when faced with a problem. Leaders must resist this impulse and focus on creating systems that prevent long-term problems.
In a small village, fires broke out every summer. Leaders celebrated their bravery in putting out the flames, but the fires always returned. One leader, instead of joining the firefighting effort, invested in clearing brush, educating villagers, and building firebreaks. Over time, the fires stopped. The villagers learned that preventing problems earned greater respect than heroically solving them.
Effective leaders don’t just solve problems—they create environments where problems rarely occur.
"Stop reacting. Start preventing."
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
- Benjamin Franklin
New leaders often mistake movement for progress. They
race through their days answering questions, attending
meetings, and reacting to every issue, believing their
packed schedules are proof of productivity. But
leadership isn’t about being busy—it’s about being
effective. The real work of a leader isn’t just doing tasks
but deciding which tasks truly move the team forward.
Time is a leader’s most valuable currency, and without
discipline, it’s easy to waste it on low-impact work.
Leaders must take control of their schedules, ensuring
that their energy is spent on the things that create
lasting results. This means prioritizing, setting
boundaries, and understanding that not every problem
requires their solution.
Parkinson’s Law states that work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion. If you give yourself all day to complete a task, it will take all day. If you set strict time constraints, you’ll work with more focus and urgency. Leaders must recognize this tendency and create structured time blocks to maximize efficiency instead of allowing work to consume them.
There was once a lighthouse keeper responsible for keeping the beacon lit to guide ships safely to shore. Every day, he diligently cleaned the glass, refilled the oil, and ensured the light shone brightly. One evening, a fisherman came to him in distress. His boat needed repairs, and he begged for help. The lighthouse keeper, being a kind man, agreed to assist. Then another villager arrived, asking him to help mend a torn fishing net. Again, he obliged. More people followed, each requesting small favors. He worked tirelessly through the night, solving everyone’s problems—except his own.
As dawn approached, the keeper realized he had been so busy helping others that he had forgotten to refill the oil. The beacon flickered out, and without its guiding light, a ship crashed against the rocks. The villagers rushed to the shore in horror. The lighthouse keeper, devastated, turned to them and said, “I thought I was helping by saying yes to everything, but in doing so, I failed my true responsibility.” From that day on, he set strict priorities: first, the beacon. Only after it was shining brightdid he offer his time to others.
Leaders must protect their time like the lighthouse keeper protects his beacon. If you spend all day solving everyone else’s problems, you’ll neglect the responsibilities that define your role.Learn to say no. Set clear priorities. The most important tasks—the ones that keep your team moving forward—must come first.
"You are the programmer, not the machine."
“Don’t be so busy managing the small fires that you let the lighthouse go dark.”
- Unknown
A leader’s greatest challenge is recognizing that what
made them successful before won’t necessarily make
them successful now. Many struggle with this transition,
clinging to the skills and habits that earned them their
promotion instead of developing the mindset and abilities
required for their new role. Leadership isn’t about proving
you’re the best at the work—it’s about ensuring the
team is set up for success. A great leader steps back
from being the star performer and instead becomes the
director, guiding the team toward collective achievement.
This theory suggests that people are promoted based on their previous role’s success, often until they reach a position they’re not equipped for. To avoid this trap, leaders must continually develop new skills, adapt to their responsibilities, and recognize that leadership is about enabling the success of others—not just excelling individually.
There was once a gifted apprentice who worked under a master carpenter.For years, he studied every detail of the craft—chiseling, sanding, measuring—until he became the best in the workshop. His precision was unmatched, his designs flawless. One day, the master told him, “You are ready. From now on, you will lead this workshop.” The apprentice was thrilled. Now, he could build even more magnificent furniture than before. But something strange happened. As he buried himself in his own work, the shop fell into chaos. His team struggled, unsure of their tasks. Deadlines slipped. Clients complained. Frustrated, the new master carpenter worked harder, convinced that if he just built faster and better, everything would improve.
One evening, the old master returned to check on the shop. Seeing the frustration in his former apprentice’s eyes, he said,“You are still working as if you are an apprentice. But your job is no longer to build furniture—it’s to build craftsmen. The success of this shop isn’t measured by what you can make with your own hands, but by what your team can create under your guidance.” The words struck deep. The next morning, the master carpenter put down his tools and began teaching his team. He shared techniques, corrected mistakes, and gave his workers the confidence to succeed on their own. Within months, the workshop flourished—not because he was the best carpenter, but because he had become the best leader.
Leadership requires a shift in mindset. It’s not about being the best at the job—it’s about making others better at theirs. The leader’s role isn’t to do more but to develop more—more skills, more leaders, more success for the entire team.
"Adapt to the role you have, not the one you had."
“Your job as a leader is to make yourself less necessary, not more.”
- Unknown
Leaders often assume someone else will address an issue,
but this passivity undermines accountability. Leaders
must act with a bias for action, stepping in when
necessary and empowering others to do the same. Every
unaddressed issue becomes a tacit endorsement.
This phenomenon occurs when individuals assume others will take responsibility in a group setting.Leaders must combat this by fostering ownership and accountability.
A group of villagers were walking along a path. Suddenly, one of them slips and falls into a deep ditch on the side oft he path. Each villager stops and looks in on the fallen villager, but none reach down to help, assuming the next villager will. Leaving the injured villager in the ditch while the group continues walking.
Leadership requires stepping in when others hesitate—your action sets the standard.
"What you permit, you promote."
“Leadership is taking responsibility while others make excuses.”
- John C. Maxwell
Leaders often cling to familiar tasks or roles because
they’re comfortable or provide a sense of importance.
However, growth requires letting go—whether it’s letting
go of control, outdated habits, or fear of failure. By
empowering others and stepping into new challenges,
leaders unlock their full potential and create
opportunities for their teams.
Humans fear losing what they have more than they desire gaining something new. Leaders must overcome this instinct to embrace growth.
In the jungle, hunters would trap monkeys by placing treats in a bucket with a narrow opening. The monkey’s hand fit inside, but once it grabbed the treat, it couldn’t remove its fist. Refusing to let go, the monkey became trapped. Freedom required releasing the treat—but the monkey couldn’t let go.
Letting go of what feels safe is often the key to growth.
"What you hold on to only holds you back."
“The treasure you seek is in the cave you fear to enter.”
- Joseph Campbell